Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
