i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
