pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
