She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My bed smells like the plague
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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