Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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