yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
