it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
