Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
