My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
