Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He shit in the fireplace
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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