The best revenge is premature balding
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
