You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
