Who wears a wallet chain?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
