Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
