Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
