Don't you send me to vm
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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