Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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