Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
