she peed on how many people?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
