I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
