Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
