We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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