my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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