yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
