trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
