Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
