So drunk its hurt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
