I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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