Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
