sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As shirtless as possible
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
