I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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