On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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