Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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