apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
