On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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