I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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