My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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