Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
