I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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