i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im holly from the hills drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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