Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
