ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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