im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
two words...techno handjob
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
