Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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