i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
