i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
