I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
