he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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