it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
