I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
