In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
