would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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