i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
